How to Let Go of Relationship Regrets and Find Peace

How to Let Go of Relationship Regrets and Find Peace

How to Let Go of Relationship Regrets and Find Peace

Jasmine Wedding Photography via Pexels
Jasmine Wedding Photography via Pexels
Jasmine Wedding Photography via Pexels

Everyone wants to live their lives with no regrets.

And as long as you’re willing to take risks and follow your heart, for the most part, you’re able to do so.

But for some reason, it’s harder to live without regret when it comes to relationships in our lives.

Friendships and romantic relationships come and go throughout our lives. And when they ‘go’ we’re often left feeling regretful about how the relationship ended or what we could’ve done differently.

It’s hard to know if it’s even possible to live without regret when it comes to relationships.

Whereas with life events, the regret we may feel usually stems within ourselves, in relationships the regret can stem both from within ourselves and the other person.

Not only do you regret stuff on your end, but you can regret stuff on the other person's end as well.

So how do we get over this regret, or try to live in such a way that we don’t even experience it?

A Story About Regrets

The events in which I find myself having the most regret are the end of relationships, especially romantic relationships.

I was once in the talking stages of a romantic relationship when, after three months of hanging out, we decided to go our separate ways.

I was filled with massive regret, knowing that during those three months, I had not been my authentic self. I kept thinking that if only I were able to be my authentic self, maybe the relationship wouldn’t have ended.

I thought of all the things I could’ve done or said differently if given a second chance, wanting to somehow go back in time and do things better.

The regret I experienced made me promise myself that in the next relationship I was in, I would be my authentic self from the very beginning. I wouldn’t hide behind a wall, and I would do my best to show all sides of who I am.

At least then I would know that the relationship didn’t end because of me being inauthentic, but because of other factors.

Unbeknown to me, I would be given a second chance as the person and I reconnected 6 months down the line. From the beginning of Round Two with this person, I was my authentic self, unlike I had been before. And the relationship blossomed.

This relationship lasted for a good two years but ultimately ended in a breakup. But when it came around to the breakup, I wasn’t awfully regretful like I was last time. Instead, I felt at peace.

I didn’t have any regrets this time around because I knew I was my authentic self. I didn’t have any regrets because I knew that during the relationship I was being the best partner I could be. I didn’t have any regrets because I chose to focus on all the things that went right in the relationship, rather than the reason that led to the breakup.

Although it’s hard to live life with no regrets, I think it’s possible to have little to no regrets about certain events in your life as long as you have certain mindsets going into them (or shifting your mindset during).

Here’s how I went from massive regrets to peace about the outcomes of relationships (and other important events) in my life.

Choose to Focus on The Good

Throughout our lifetime we’re going to live through many highs and lows.

We might regret some aspects of the highs but it’s often the lows that trigger regretful feelings.

You think about what you could’ve done or said differently. You envision the outcome being something different, something better.

The focus you have on the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s is what produces regretful thoughts.

Instead, shift your focus on the good things that happened and all the things that went ‘right’.

I barely remember the ‘bad’ parts of past relationships or the shortcomings we experienced.

That’s because I’ve chosen to focus on the good parts of the relationships and the person I was with.

This has brought me peace as I’ve moved on and healed from various relationships (platonic and romantic).

At the end of the day, you have the choice. You can sit there and speculate all day wondering what could’ve been done differently to save the relationship or you can remember the good that was and move on.

The simple fact of the matter is that you can’t go back and change things no matter how much you want to.

You can dwell on that or look back and reminisce with a smile on your face.

Look Towards the Future

The best way to live life with no regrets is by looking toward the future instead of focusing on the past.

When we look to our past, we’ll likely never be content.

Because 9 times out of 10, we’re hyper-focused on the things we could’ve done differently. And in hindsight, we’re able to understand how we could’ve done better because we now have a different perspective.

But that doesn’t mean you sit around and wish for things to have happened differently. It means you take what you’ve learned and do better next time.

We’re so critical and judgmental of our Past Self that we’re hindering our Present Self from healing and moving forward.

Maybe you and your boyfriend wouldn’t have broken up.

Maybe you would’ve gotten the job.

Maybe you and your dad could forgive each other.

But all this wishful thinking is futile and is a barricade to your Present Self being able to move on and continue pushing toward a better life.

So instead of looking towards the past and trying to dissect everything, look towards the future and all that is yet to come.

You will never get closure by trying to speculate and understand things that have come and gone. You only get closure by accepting what’s happened and looking toward the future.

Acknowledge Lessons Learned

Framing your mind to view certain events in your life as a failure to a lesson learned allows you to live life with little to no regret.

Every experience we have in life, whether it ends well or poorly, has the ability to teach us something and shape our lives positively, but only if we let it.

Even though all of my romantic relationships thus far have ended, I have learned SO much about what it looks like to be a good partner, how to be a selfless partner, how to open up to and be vulnerable with someone, and the qualities/values I think are important in another person/relationship.

I could choose to focus on the things that went wrong and make a list of all the reasons why it ended. Or just throw in the towel and decide that relationships are too hard and not worth being in.

Or I can look at all the wisdom I gained and focus on the person I become because of the relationship.

Life is just one long movie composed of different scenes, which are the lessons we learn.

The best part of a relationship, or really anything in life, is what you learn from it and what you carry with you for the rest of your life.

Real Talk

Living life with no regrets is an ideal that often allows us to process hardships more easily.

If you have the attitude that you did all that you could and you’re proud of how you handled the situation and are content with the outcome, then you’ve reached the pinnacle of living life with no regrets.

But the reality is that having no regrets in life actually takes work and isn’t just a state of being.

Whether it's a platonic friendship or a romantic relationship, the only way you can truly have no regrets is by being yourself and putting your best foot forward. That way, if the relationship ends, you can rest assured that at least the person got to know you for who you truly are.

Because the regret of not letting someone know the real you is perhaps the most painful regret of them all.

And once a relationship does end (which is a universal experience for most in some way, shape, or form) you can move on knowing you did the best you could and you can look back at the wisdom you’ve gained and lessons you learned.

Living life without regret is hard. Especially when it comes to relationships, but it’s not impossible.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the mindset you choose to have and whether you focus on the past or the future.

Jade Cessna

8/12/25

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Jade Cessna

Jade Cessna

8/12/25

8/12/25

Share

© jade cessna 2024

JADE CESSNA

© jade cessna 2024

JADE CESSNA

© jade cessna 2024

JADE CESSNA