Most people want to avoid feeling tied down. It’s practically the antithesis of the imagination of what your 20s should be.
Regardless of what age you are, if you’re feeling tied down…it’s because you are.
What exactly is it that you’re tied down to, though? I bet your mind instantly went to one of these things-
Is it your job? No…
Is it your family? Nah.
Is it your physical location? Your hometown or otherwise? Nope.
Is it your responsibilities? Not even those.
All these things—a job, a family, your physical location of residence, and even your responsibilities—give you purpose. They’re all great and essential in building your self-identity and often work hand-in-hand to nudging you along the path of who you are meant to be.
As a society, we’ve placed too much emphasis on our ‘ties’ being something that holds us back and prevents us from becoming the best versions of ourselves. But what if our ties do exactly the opposite?
What if our ties keep us rooted in times of hardship, serve as reminders of who we are, and give us the last ounce of strength needed to move forward?
If we viewed our ties in this light, we would be silly for desiring to cut them.
Our ties should serve as our backbone of support through life, not be something that weighs us down.
So how do we reframe our ties, something that we will always have to carry with us, and use them to our advantage?
Using Your Ties to Your Advantage
It starts with understanding that a tie to something or someone or somewhere is initially formed with an innocent intention and amplified due to the intensity of the emotions experienced when creating a memory. This process often results in the creation of a ‘core memory’ (as the kids call it today) and leads to the origination or strengthening of a tie.
It doesn’t matter if you grew up in New York City all your life or spent six weeks there one summer for theater camp. Unless you had a relatively neutral experience, you probably have some sort of tie to that city.
Now, whether that tie is as thin as a strand of hair or as think as the ropes I use during CrossFit training (who am I kidding, I don’t do CrossFit) is determined by many factors, such as
Time, specifically the duration of
Number and intensity of key experiences that happened during said time
Under what circumstance you were brought into/towards or taken out of/away from these ties
Your understanding of said ties, in hindsight
These ties that you intentionally or, more often than not, unintentionally form are not meant to stop you from progressing forward; they are meant to shape and mold the story of who you are.
They are to be seen as gifts that make you stronger, ground your roots, and build a sense of self.
Whether good or bad, these ties can serve as a reminder of how far you’ve come or as a tribute to who you really are. Life can be really hard, and it’s okay to need a little reminder of who you are and who you want to be…your ties can help you do that.
Your ties don’t tie you down- they keep you grounded.
Without these ties we would be floating creatures with no reason to enjoy the sunset on a cool evening in our hometown, no reason to tell a stranger how beautiful you find their smile, and no reason to want to get home to your family at the end of a long workday.
A tree can not survive and thrive without its roots to keep it grounded.